Talking about it
Talking before sex
The conversations before sex feel big and take about thirty seconds each. Here are the words.
Opens a map of clinics close to you
Thirty seconds now beats weeks of wondering
One question before sex saves a lot of guessing after. “Are we using condoms?” has never ruined a night that was going to happen; most people are relieved someone else asked first.
Asking about protection
Say what you use and ask what they use. “Condoms work for you?” “I’m on PrEP. You on anything?” If you have a boundary, name it before clothes come off; it is much easier standing up. What each tool covers helps you know what you are asking for.
Asking about status
“When were you last tested?” is a normal question, and offering yours first makes it easy: “I got tested last month, all clear. You?” If neither of you knows, that is not a dealbreaker, it is a plan: testing is quick and you can go together.
Consent is a check-in, not a form
Ask before you change what you are doing, and notice the answer. “This good?” covers most of it. A yes earlier is not a yes forever; anyone can change their mind mid-way, including you.
Saying no, hearing no
“Not tonight” and “not without a condom” are complete sentences; you do not owe a reason. When you get a no, take it well and move on. How someone hears a no tells you plenty.
When the plan changes
No condom around, or the one you had broke? There are other ends to a night, and there is next time. If something already happened that worries you, PEP can still stop HIV within 72 hours, and a clinic can sort the rest.